I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
