Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
