Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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