Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
