Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
