Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
