Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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