She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
