So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
