we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
