A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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