we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think I am morally bankrupt
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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