He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
