he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
