my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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