Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
