PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I skipped work to stalk him.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
