3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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