Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
