Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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