if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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