We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
