I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
