My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
