just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
