Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
