Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
