I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
