the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
