Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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