I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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