My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
