plz talk dirty to me
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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