as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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