Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
