I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
