Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
