I must be too annoying 4 u.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
