Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
