Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
