listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
