Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
