Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
