You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
