I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
