What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
