Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
