I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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