So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
