i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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